As expected from the announcement of my M.S., I received several offerings of love and support. It always feels good to know someone cares. I also received encouragement and advice. Also nice. Though I could tell by conversation that people thought this was new for me, when in actuality I have had the diagnosis for a year and a half and living with the symptoms for a time that dates back much farther than that. But I take the encouragement (who doesn’t need that) and politely take the advice and put it on a shelf for when I want to investigate it more. There were offerings of casseroles and rides, again all very kind, but I would kindly explain I am feeling better now, but I will keep them in mind for the future. The attention I received from this announcement was not my bliss, then again I wouldn’t like the focus on me if it were announced that I am pregnant, either. It is just the way I am.
Many people came up to me this weekend and said they were shocked to hear the news. I tried to handle this gracefully with a smile and a nod of understanding, but around person number 42 I must admit my grace needed a break and I responded “You didn’t know because it is a private issue”. Oops. I held on as long as I could. I had a similar fall from grace when it came to the “What can we do for you?” question. I did hesitate and asked “Do you honestly want to know?’. This is a very good acquaintance of my mine and my husband and a very honest person. So I looked into this person’s honest eyes as their response was “Yes”. I then fell from grace again when I said “You can find me a job because I still need to bring in an income because I have children to feed.” The initial response was shock (could you blame them), but then an offer of encouragement from how great I am at my job and all the connections I have. Very kind, after my initial statement of thank you, my mind leapt right back to the fact that now all my “connections” have been made aware of the fact that I needed to leave, change, and/or adapt my current job because of my M.S. I don’t think people will be knocking down my door to offer me a position in their business.
When all is said and done, I can’t imagine what it would be like for those lost in a disease, struggling with sexuality or dealing with another life altering announcement, not to receive the kindness that I received. Though the spotlight is far from my place of choice, it was reassuring to know that I would not have name-calling or accusatory voices hurling at me after the announcement. The voice in my own head is loud enough.
I pray for others that are not so lucky to have the show of concern and love at their “coming out” as I had. My prayer is a blanket prayer over the world and each individual in it. “So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.” Romans 14:13
May I ask if you have consider what response from a friend would be a benefit to you at this point in your life?
Wonderful question. I actually have considered what response would be beneficial to me and my family. In my thought process, I decided it didn’t matter all that much. Everyone has different needs and different ways of handling things. As I said, for many of these people the announcement was sudden just minutes to hours old, but for myself, my family and close friends the announcement was old news. My personality lends my ideal response to someone not using words at all, just a kind look and a half nod or a written message will do just fine. (Which I did also receive, but didn’t put in my last post.) But if you don’t know me well, you are likely unaware of this.
It’s not all about me, others feel better and heal when they are able to support, encourage and help others. Don’t we all feel better when we give someone a hand up? I need to be grace-filled and allow them to share their comfort as they feel led to do so. It is a growth step that I am trying to take, but I do back slide in my efforts to be grace-filled.
I realize this may seem like this post maybe a contradiction to a post I made a few weeks ago, but that is a different situation that I am not comfortable to discuss in detail at this point, but I understand the confusion my wanting acknowledgement, but not attention.